Shadow's Essays

"Words are loaded pistols."Jean Paul Sartre ~ "The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." Anais Nin

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Location: San Jose, Ca, United States

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Mirrors of Ourselves

#9.Mutual Protection

Essays on a life of P.E.
February 26th, 2010
by shadow

How can a slave protect herself when she is not supposed to protect herself, but to turn over that protection to someone else and trust THEM to protect her?
IS the Prime Directive supposed to cover this with the caveat that it's OK for a slave to be slightly 'suspicious' and cautious for X number of days, weeks, years, in 'protection of the property' even as the Owner is supposed to BE THE ONE doing that job?

Because really, slaves cannot do both. You can't turn it over and still hold back.

This is not a 2 part test. It's a continuum we travel, turning over more and more, and with each turn of the page (turn of the screw? O. Henry's tale is actually fairly close to what this is about), we have to expose more and more of our hearts, holding back less each day, each hour, each time those lovely words happen, each time He or She handles something, each time He or She shows with their actions that they are willing to sacrifice for us.

Now-- how often do you see the term "WILLING TO SACRIFICE FOR THE SLAVE"
in all those stupid chat forums? You won't. It freaks out the fake dominants, and it scares the hell out of most of the bottoms to even MENTION that in a public forum , but really, when you get right down to it, the RELATIONSHIPS that are REAL are NOT the ones with the omnipotent Domly one lording over what they want and demand and the cringing little slavey person sending money and cleaning and begging for attention and to give service.

The ones that last are the ones where there are 2 real people both committed to making the other happy- the fact that we have more rigid interpersonal relationships, that we negotiate where power flows, that we each know both what the other expects of US and what they expect to GIVE when we start is icing on the cake of human interactions. The basics are the dating/ getting to know you period where we, as bottoms, if we are SMART and intelligent and are living with REAL expectations and NOT FAKE FANTASIES, are watching to see if the top is going to keep their word, is going to make things better for us or worse, is going to handle their commitments, be the person we want to have as a top, and even- GASP!- sacrifice parts of themselves to get US into THEIR lives.

Yeah- how's THAT for turning the tables? Out of all that fantasy and forced ritualization of our lives, the bottom line is that this is supposed to be a long lived, deeply fulfilling relationship for both parties, and in order to do THAT, the human animal on each end of it needs to see some commitment happening- which includes the other side giving up things for them, making changes for them, showing some INVESTITURE to the new relationship.

i see that every day with Him. He invests His time, His finances, His passions. i invest with my time, with my commitments to the things He has asked for (my health, diet, sleep- He asks, and i obey). Neither of us has seen a partner give THAT kind of commitment to that extent before. Now, to ME, changing my lifestyle habits is easy, natural, and i take it for granted that should He announce tomorrow that He wants me to live on nothing but coconut oil and parsley, i would do that- and keep it up until in the hospital and attached to a feeder tube. EASY for me- it's my nature.
He has never had any female in His life be willing to follow rules like that, or just sacrifice what they want because HE said so.

To HIM, changing His hours, losing sleep, driving 3 hours a day for a job just to be near me- that's the kind of commitment He is willing to do and has done in His life. He has MOVED, bought new homes, and taken on tasks and volunteer work He didn't necessarily want to up front because it would please a female partner. In EVERY case, they did not reciprocate. He seemed to be giving and giving and not getting back. To Him, taking a full time job after retirement to have money to take care of ME is just-- 'what He does' (that's a direct quote). To me, it's practically a miracle. He feels that way about what i offer Him.

So, for each of us, we are not sacrificing- we are doing what we have always done- give of ourselves to please a partner. For each of us, what we are GETTING is some incredible gift we have never had anyone give to us before.
i might be just a shade jaded, but if that isn't a great power exchange story, i don't know what is.

Copyright shadow, February 26th, 2010
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