Shadow's Essays

"Words are loaded pistols."Jean Paul Sartre ~ "The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." Anais Nin

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Location: San Jose, Ca, United States

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

#29. Run Through the Jungle

Essays on a life of P.E.
June 2006
by shadow

I spend a great deal of time reading what other BDSM writers have out on the net, and ran across a great old article of Kayla Kuffs about Doms pushing their partners limits. It was informative, clear, and had a great deal of stuff in it that I respect.

Quickly on, however, I noticed that it was rather one sided. It was all about submissives (or bottoms, or slaves, or whatever you would like to call the half in the power exchange that is NOT in charge) feelings and issues when *they* are pushed.

Being the slut I am, I immediately jumped to the other side of the PE coin. What about when slaves push Dominants?

"What in hell?" you say? "How could that be?"
Yes, I am talking about when the bottom pushes the Top.
This is entirely different from "topping from below," which is a manipulation game that is often to the detriment of both parties and makes honest communications difficult.

Submissives pushing the Dominant’s limits is far different. One example might be Doms that find their new partner wants to do things that have bothered them for years. The Dom then has to evaluate both the relationship as a whole, and how much this topic or issue might affect the couple, as well as their own inner edges and desires. Sometimes, if a Dom finds out early enough in the courtship period that the bottom has desires that they are not comfortable with, there is a happy parting of the ways. Once a couple has joined up for a more long term relationship, the topic needs to be considered differently.

Some Doms have hard limits that they will NOT cross (blood sports, breath play, rape games, etc.) even though they are important hot buttons for their partners. Rather than pushing their own limits, they might loan their partners out to someone else for those games, or learn to play them in a much more acceptable way that still fulfills the submissives needs.

Pushing the Dom might well be something as simple as time management. High maintenance slaves and subs that are partnered with Doms who have already full lives will invariably be pushed by their partners to find more time for play, to incorporate more contact during the day, and to manipulate their schedule to focus more attention on their submissive partner. Most Dominants know that both sides needs must be met in any M/s relationship, and if a needy or attention oriented submissive feels neglected or unfocused for too long, they will leave for greener- and more controlling -pastures.

There is also a deeper and very important aspect of pushing.

Pushing the Dominant partner can be a highly charged edge with a stable couple. It can come about during play without any "topping from below" needed. As a scene unfolds, Dominants often have a "map" or "plan of action" in their head about what they want to do, or where they plan to drive the situation. Submissives, however, are not predictable creatures, and for somethat have more primal urges, their mental focus and attitude can become a driving force for both partners.

Some call it "beast meat," others "primal play" or"inner beasts," but the effect is usually the same- an emotional separation from one's grounding, a mental space where animalistic urges and desires take over internally, a departure from the personality they normally expose in play.

So there you are, hot and sweaty, pulling out the 4th or 5th toy in your arsenal when the girl you KNOW every inch of suddenly quits whining or moaning and suddenly becomes almost empowered even though she is firmly tied to that cross or bench. Guttural sounds are emitted, and the normal responses you are comfortable with are replaced with someone who might well spit at you, scream or laugh maniacally, or even growl and bite.

Those are the times when a dominant has to keep their head. They are suddenly being pushed into something deeper, possibly more dangerous, and with more potentially serious consequences than they might imagine. Being pushed- having someone reach into your head and throw the switch from "nice guy" to animal- might have some dire consequences.

It is always a very difficult thing for a Dominant to not "let go"and keep their inner urges at bay. Having your partner suddenly push all that control aside with desires so hot, emotions so raw, or primitive urges so dangerous that they trigger your own primal needs is a kind of edge play that very few people will even admit to, let alone go to.

The line between normal sane human and insane inhuman sadistic monster is being erased by the submissive. They are pushing your boundaries just as surely as they push for more popcorn at the movies or an orgasm at night. This pushing, however, is neither manipulative nor controlledby them. It is that beastmeat moment when they have found a way to strip off their sophistications, to jettison their contrite social face, and to delve into the darkest thoughts they can muster.

A Dominant having that suddenly confront their already heightened sexuality, sadism, and flowing power can easily be pushed past where they had planned to go, pushed past where they are comfortable to play, pushed past the mental controls they have carefully built up to protect BOTH their partner and themselves from the darker and more destructive thoughts and desires they carry.

Like a woman with a match lighting a powder keg, a submissive that displays NO FEAR or edges and invites the Dom to throw off their limits and indulge their animalistic tendencies is begging for an explosion.

Knowing that the possibility exists is important.

Knowing ones self, ones limits as a Dom, and the triggers that make your blood run hot and your judgment falter is equally as important. As a slave that sometimes finds herself deep in the woods, tasting His scent as He chases me, high on my own power and need and focused intent, I have watched myself turn my head in the darkness, just to make sure He is going to eventually catch me, and hoping that I can push Him to break His leash.

My owner knows this- His beast knows mine intimately, and He has an ironwill that seldom waivers (seldom... but not never).

Keeping control of that leash- knowing yourself and where desire becomes criminal, play becomes damage, and temptation cannot be ignored is a very important part of what we do.

Recognizing when your submissive's beast has called to yours and pushed your reason aside is one of the signposts on the road to being a Master.

Copyright shadow, May 15, 2006

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