Shadow's Essays

"Words are loaded pistols."Jean Paul Sartre ~ "The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." Anais Nin

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Location: San Jose, Ca, United States

Monday, November 05, 2007

The Vampire with a Soul

The Vampire with a Soul
Why the bad guys swear that what you see is not what they are.

Essays on a life of P.E.
November 5th, 2007
by shadow

Fictional Heros have those great flaws but are anomalies- unique, special, and one of a kind. Buffy falls in love with Angel- the Vampire with a soul, the guy who LOOKS like all the other bad guys, but really- really- is the one true thing because he is special.
He may look live evil and dress like evil and only be able to come out at night like evil... but hey! If you are close to him you know he's *special* and has that soul.

That is what makes fiction so fun. That is also what makes it FICTION, not fact. In real life, those *special* people that seem to exist under the radar, hiding where few but the true believers can see them, just don't exist.
The real people that masquerade as "special" or "unique" and seeking the chosen few are, in every case, posers, strange frightened wanna bees that have created a fictional story to lure others closer and people their fantasies with others that can be manipulated, used, and lied to.

But it is easy to be drawn in when you are alone, hungry, frightened, angry, and *desperately* seeking exactly what they are offering. It is easy to overlook the obvious flaws to their logic, to create or give excuses for the huge holes in logic and reason that their fantasy worlds offer.
MOST of the people in the scene that are trying to make you believe that they are "the one good vampire" (the one good married guy, the one good unemployed guy, the one good munch attendee, the one good slave) are looking you right in the eye while they spin their stories. They are solid flesh and blood standing in front of you, telling you things that you SO want to believe, and often, we find ourselves making up perfectly good excuses for why they are lacking that is inordinate.

The 'on line' vampire is however, unique in his or her capability to spin fantasy to heights and depths that real time jiggaloes, mama's boys, cheating husbands, thieves, psycho slaves, and the rest of the human panoply in the scene cannot. And the really sad, mean, awful part is that, while the rest of the real time monsters are, when all is said and done, REAL, the on line fantasy is not real at all- and the people who interact with them are just wasting months and years they can never get back- or worse, conned into believing that the illegal and dangerous activities they are drawn into are ACCEPTABLE KINK and something that is part of WIITWD.

One "slave" seeking love and hope found a web site that drew her in with the fantasy laden promises normally only found in romantic bra-rippers, and wrote to a real time slave group about how wonderful her new "master" was, complete with how His family all over the world would some day welcome her home once she served him- long distance- on line- long enough. Her posts included how she paid her OWN WAY to fly overseas to meet him sometime, and lured other women into his cult.
Posts from others in the group seemed not to dissuade her from her believe that THIS vampire really did have a "soul":

"XXX wrote about the dangers of cults in the context of writing about The Path of the Quiet Storm. Her labeling Quiet Storm a cult -- whether directly or by implication -- is entirely inaccurate. I am a member of The Path of the Quiet Storm. I hold firmly that in no way is it a cult. It has only benefited me in my life. I feel an obligation to set straight the record and point out why these points about cults presented by XXXX DO NOT apply to Quiet Storm."

The moment that the rest of us began to point out the obvious flaws in this neophytes logic, she became hostile, defensive, and left the group. Honest questions made her feel uncomfortable.

Posts to her about her deep beliefs tried to expose those flaws:

"Most members of cults feel exactly the same way.
That's why we call them cults and not sewing circles.

While i truly understand your needs and desires, your deep commitments and
relate to your feelings, i also know that when a girl needs to be slave or
servant and finally finds *someone*, that is usually their head over heels moment
of total belief.
It means hunger.
It means need, and want, and desire.
And when people are so desperate for their kink to be fulfilled, they will
make sure to keep anything that might block that from happening out of their
line of vision.

It is no means disrespectful of you or what you need or do or want or have...
it is a group reaction to the guy that has snagged you, had you fly all over
hell and back on your own dime, had you help him get other girls to do the
same, and is creating this world that, while romantic and oh so full of
mesmerizing sexuality and service and "a higher cause", seems for us to really has no
basis in any fact that can be proven or backed up or brought out into the
light of day outside of his web site.
But, we do keep trying to hope that we are mistaken, and that there is
something MORE to this cloud flurry than just his enormous ego.

That is why we are asking questions.
That is why no one is giving you grief.

You see, all of us *are* real.
We have friends, events, parties, auctions, sales, service, and conventions.
Pictures of ourselves and the teachers, the "trainers" (well, that word is
so loaded that most of us laugh, but we will continue to use it as it is), the
mentors, the fellow travelers on our paths.
Most of us have, at one time or another, met someone like your dom (always on
line. These men are not public players and shun contact with the real time
BDSM world) and try to warn newbies on line away from these men, for in the long
run they will not fulfill what is *really* in any woman's heart- but they do
fulfill their own fantasies of being the domly dom of the great old world
palace - and usually while doing it they manage to never spend their own money,
never have real social contact, and act like a "cult" leader.

Now, from what i have read, this man you serve is not quite like that -- you
are here for one thing!
Most of the jerkos would be AGHAST if one of their girls found real time
players and started talking to them, going to munches, and learning about BDSM in
real time, for they would have this same thing happening to those girls- but
since they were just paper lions, the relationships would fall apart quickly.

In your case, i am beginning to doubt that this guy is as we initially felt.
But the egomaniacal web page (and yes, i am sure you can see our viewpoint,
even if you do not agree at all with it) with all it's mystical assertions but
nothing more concrete than a URL leaves most of us feeling less than
comfortable about *him*.

And i understand why you are protective and defensive about him. i am too
about my Master.
Mine however, runs a real time group that meets at a real time restaurant
that posts real time meeting notices.
Mine co-founded a real time dungeon with real time pictures and real time
events that we drove to and that are legendary around Sacramento.
Mine teaches real time classes, shows up at real time conventions, and
tonight we are going to a real time party at a real time house with 3 other real
time couples- some of whom we met at *my* real time munch.

i came into the scene SO desperately hungry that, before i found real time,
there was a "dom" i spent a lot of time and energy interacting with long
distance on the phone and the net and by mail.
i knew, within a few weeks, that he was a fantasy dom.
He never "had time" to get out to his local munch and meet the other people
there (so that they could write me about him).
He never was able to come see me, or even meet half way.
He had lots of TALK and computer stuff to see and read and do.... but that
don't feed the tiger.
That's OK... i caught on quickly, and so i didn't lose precious time (years
or months) giving all my needs and attentions to someone that was not going to
be what i needed to fulfill my life, but merely a distraction.

Now, if you have no DESIRE for anything ever more than what you have, even if
it *is* something as described above, then most of us here probably should be
kind and back off- for you have found exactly what you want.

BUT**** if there is one iota of need, one little finger of regrets over
things not fulfilled, one evening of despair about what you feel others might be
doing or having that you have not got, then please be kind to us and let us
keep asking questions and offering information.

Right now, it might not be anything more to you than offensive questions or
comments about "your master", but then again, i defy you to find any person in
the history of the world that was seriously involved with a cult leader and,
when they left the group or person and found a new life, did not admit that
while they were in service, they would have done *anything*, so totally involved
they were with the stories and promises of the leader in question.

Jim Jones is the ultimate case in point. Only those of us who have felt the
longing and the pull of *something* in our lives can understand how those 900
people could believe in one man so fully as to follow him into the jungle,
leave their families behind, and eventually do what they did.
And even then, most of us cannot understand how they could do that with their
children involved as well.

The human capacity to ignore reality for something NEEDED in the heart is
amazing, and goes through every phase of mankind (how did the German people
manage to ignore what was happening in their own towns before WWII? How did the
American people ignore the slaughter of the native Americans? How can any
battered bloody left for dead woman still wake up in the hospital and swear on her
life that her partner didn't do it, didn't mean it, and that she deserved it?),
so finding that is is often exploited within the BDSM community is not a

Nay, considering that almost all of us before the current wave came here and
created a world where we don't use real names and believe confidentiality is
the most important social requirement, it is not hard to understand how that
atmosphere also is a perfect breeding ground for the wanna-be-s, the "twue
dominate massturs" and the abusers of the world to flourish.
In order to protect ourselves, we not only have to keep a low profile from
the "vanilla" saviors of the world, but also have to try to weed out the future
serial killers that use us as a hunting ground. We have to isolate and
identify the folks that show up in our real time kinky places and cannot keep
secrets, cannot quit writing everything in open blogs and keep posting pictures
without permission of people that really want to keep a low profile. We also tend
to not want to see lovely, committed, deeply passionate people taken for a
ride, especially one that is expensive and has a termination point that will
leave them unfulfilled and in pain.

"D" made some very valid points between what everyone else here
is/does/sees/works towards, and the way you are living your submission-
not that we want to judge this if it rocks your boat, but that so far, we
don't SEE how this is working.

Training per se... as an example.
When *i* want to be trained, it is for "something:
trained to serve tea to a room of people.
Trained to give a great pedicure.
Trained to learn to run the equipment at a convention for a party.

When the people i have served wanted to use me, they did.
They trained me on how canes felt- and worked up slowly over time...
but they did so as scenes that we negotiated and i learned as we went..

When the people i have served (and whom are there to fulfill MY needs as
well, that's why they call it a power EXCHANGE rather than a power giveaway) and i
felt that sex was on the table, that happened- on their rules, but within
pre-negotiated boundaries as we each needed.

Every one of the more than 1,000 real time kinksters i have met, played with,
served, or enjoyed while i was a lead for the Folsom Conventions could tell
you the names, dates, and places where they learnt what they do, who taught it
to them, and how to get in touch with that person if you wanted to.

When they meet across the world for events and parties, it is not under some
cloud of "secret society" ...... and the leaders of the groups are often very
high profile, writers, teachers, and fundraisers to protect our legal rights
as adults to be what we are and do what we do.

i know that you are probably not going to have any changes of heart at all at
this time- but i personally hope that, no matter what your life becomes, that
it is EXACTLY what you always dreamt of, and fantasize about, and is
If not, i hope that you will read all these nice folks comments and
reconsider what some of them have said, and continue to relate to us."

It's been 2 years since i wrote that post, and the slave is question has gone quiet on line.
The 'master' still has a web site ( ) -- only now, no one but the victims he has suckered in from his on line prowls can get inside-- i have no idea why, but i would bet that it's so damned sad and funny that he can't stand the criticisim's and cannot justify the levels of BS.

These people will ALWAYS find victims-- they are vampires- but really, you have to remember that vampires don't have souls.

Copyright shadow, November 5th, 2007
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